I've tried to be supportive to them, respecting their loss, knowing that I will never take the place of their mother (nor would I want to) but I would like to be able to get to know them better and be their friend. After 3 yrs of being with their father I feel like a relationship with his kids is like beating my head against the wall!
The daughter, age 32, is always calling her father on his cell phone putting a guilt trip of some sort on him.
As my late husband lay in the intensive care before being moved to hospice, his mother sent her best friend to query me about life insurance. You would be amazed – or maybe not – by the people who truly believe that inheritance is a given and have their hands out sometimes way in advance of your death.
A sizable proportion of adult children are like this.
“This even upsets kids who are already out of the nest.
The message their parents are sending is that it is more important for them to have a life of their choosing than to remain in their prior, primary role of mom or dad.” The result: strained relations, uncomfortable moments for everyone and, for you, the feeling that your children may not have your best interests at heart.
Unfortunately I cannot boat anymore due to my injury. His daughter called the next day, whining to him, that he never spent any time with them anymore. Not once did they show up at the funeral home or share their condolences. My husband did bring a piano (nobody wanted), a dresser, and a grandfather clock that his wife bought for him on their 25th wedding anniversary (because he wanted it) and an older TV. Having been married to a widower for almost 8 years. I thought the resentment would fade but it is just as strong as ever.
Their mother dropped over dead, unexpectantly, in her early 50's. I just feel like an outsider that will never be let in.
From there things have continued to go downhill at a rapid pace.” Lorain’s experience is not uncommon, nor is her idealistic assumption that a marriage with adult children who no longer live in the home will not be impacted by the dynamics of loss and loyalty.
Thankfully, adult children and stepparents do not have the same power battles that younger stepfamilies experience because the stepparent is not trying to get the children to pick up their socks or choose better friends.
Most people are very surprised to learn that adult stepfamilies, that is, those that are formed in the second-half of life and include adult stepchildren, have just as many transitions as stepfamilies with younger children.
Some of the transitional issues are different, but many are the same.
Lorain, a reader of my monthly E-Magazine for stepfamilies, wrote asking how she might strengthen her relationship with her 19, 24, and 26 year-old stepchildren.